It's almost 5am, and I'm wide awake. Well maybe not -wide- awake, but awake none the less. I find myself thinking about my new guild, and the volitle last few days. Three days in, I've already had a nasty row, with one of the guild officers and found myself in tears. Not quite the easy, smooth, enjoyable transition I found myself hoping for.
Rel -- is a married father of two twin girls, he's a year older than my mom and by far the nicest most enjoyable person I've met in the guild thus far. On the night before my first big raid -- he was very soothing, and through my many frustrations he's always had a calm and rational way to look at things.
Cre -- is a female healer, and although 11 years my junior she's relatively mature for her age. She's well liked by management and desires change in our healing ranks, but as she's been in the guild only a month, she seems unable to effect change. She is still immature in some days, and warned me from almost my first day in guild to stay away from her "man". The jury is still out on if her and I will really be friends. I have no designs on her man, but she seems prone to jealousy when attention is shown to other females other than her.
Werg -- the GM, originally from Saint Louis, he's been one to make small talk with me about saint louis, and recomended a few places for my mom and I to try. He has a backbone, and speaks up when he needs to, but is generally more passive and allows others to speak for him and strong arm, muscle the guild.
And lastly Atax. Sigh. He is everything wrong with my psyche.. the confident, alpha male, who acts like a jerk much of the time, and yet people eat it up. It's only when he crosses the line to pure asshole that he becomes unbearable. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to his voice/personality. But at the same time, he's harsh -- and when he's harsh with me, it brings out my color right back.
He and I had a nasty blow up today during raid, and since he's the officer, and I'm the newbie healer to the guild I'm pretty sure I know who had the most leg to stand on, and it wasn't me. I had a point -- but when you're out on a point by yourself, no one cares.
It was the fight during today's raid, the total lack of any real progression or progress in raid this week, that I've been trialing that has made me wonder if I realy made the right choice.
I wanted to raid again. I wanted to be in this environment again. It's just not going as well as I had hoped. They aren't as good as I hoped -- and with feeling like i have no friends, other than rel -- and my love/hate thing for atax .. it's feeling kind of like things can only get worse.
I just don't know what to do.
4:44 AM - 10.02.2010
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