Well, I didn't apply for that job, or for school, but I did apply for/meet with a representative from second harvest, to apply for Wisconsin's version of Food Stamps. And I talked to the tenant resource center about my landlord and my current situation.
When my lease expired, I went to their office and signed the paperwork for my lease renewal. But the landlord has refused to sign the paperwork, and when asked for it, refused to give me a current copy of my current lease, giving me last year's expired lease only.
Given this circumstance, I called the tenant resource center to figure out if this means I have a month to month lease, or if this means the 12 month lease is in place even though she hasn't signed it.
From what he said, it could really go either way. That if I plan on vacating the property it's to my benefit to argue that it was month to month since she wouldn't sign it/give me a copy of my lease which she's required to do under law.
The benefit of this is, that if I break my lease she can't hold me responsible for their re-rental fees, or the rest of the 12 month term for rent, if I break my lease. I can simply give her 30 days notice in writing, and move out.
I talked to my mom at length about this, and we've decided that for the time being, it would be best for me to plan to vacate the premises, and move in with my grandmother until I can get a job, or my student situation figured out, and get back on my feet (as even if I vacate the premises I still owe my landlord about two grand).
Living with my grandmother isn't something I'd normally ever choose for myself. She's handicapped (by her excessive weight) and her home, rivals that of any hoarder special. There is stuff everywhere. So much stuff she can barely sleep on her own bed.
My relationship with her has been strained for a long time, because she insists on trying to cram my biological father down my throat. And while I understand that he is her son, and she loves him -- he has done way too many things over the years to hurt me, and to prove he has no desire to be my father, that it just hurts.
Giving up my freedom, to try and get my life on track doesn't seem like the best thing for me. But it's a way to prevent being evicted. And a way of trying to do what needs to be done to get my life back on track. I have no money coming in right now. I can't reapply for unemployment for another week or so, and once I can -- I still need to wait several weeks while they process my claim. And do a magic rain dance, that it gets approved.
I'm still scared of the future. I don't think I can help but be scared. But having a plan, even if it's not the best plan, still feels better than where I was at before.
I talked on the phone with my mom for about an hour and a half yesterday. It's the first time in a really long time I've gotten that much of my mom's undivided attention. We talked about everything, from my current situation, to relationships.
She reassured me that I am not a disappointment. That she still loves me and is proud of me. That I am just going through a bad time in my life right now. That everyone deserves a second chance.
I know it sounds stupid, but I really needed to hear it.
Now the difficult part. Packing, and condensing my whole life down to boxes.
Cutting. Letting go. The irrevocable end.
All I can promise you, is to tell you everything. The whole truth. So that we will never be apart.
All my love,
Christina
9:14 AM - 06.30.2010
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