Today was the first day I actually felt sadness set in about moving. I started thinking about all the plans that I'd had for my life here, and all the things which did and didn't happen. And I guess I just felt like for a moment, I wanted more time.
And then my landlord stuck a note under my door, giving me a "5 day notice" to vacate the premises. Even though I already gave them a notice terminating my lease. Even though they know I am already planning on moving out. Even if I have already given them my forwarding address.
Sigh.
They're just bastards. And it's just a further reminder to me why I'm leaving. Why I have to go. Why I can't stay here any more. In this place. Being harassed by them at every turn.
I'm not a bad person. I've made mistakes in my life some of which have led me here, to this point, sure. But I'm not a bad person. And I dont deserve to be treated the way they have treated me.
Them giving me this notice is just so they can press ahead and try to file an eviction. So that they can say I was evicted, rather than that I terminated my lease with them.
It's just spiteful and mean. And.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I just so can't even deal with this right now. I'm just like -- so fucked up with emotions right now. I can't deal with people being rotten assholes on top of everything else.
Tonight my sister called. She didn't want any of the furniture that I had told her about, but she did want the coffee table which I want to keep. She even said that had, she had to -- her and her fiance would of taken my cat in.
My little sister. Was being nice. Nice and compassionate even. When I'm in the middle of hell. When me and her have like .. never gotten along.
I was glad she was doing it, and also frustrated by it. I don't know why. It just felt like a reminder to me how messed up my life is right now.
And how badly I need to get out of here.
I don't know why endings are always hard. Leaving a job. Breaking up with a boyfriend, leaving a place you've rented. No matter how civil ... and prepared, and normal you want to be about everything.
The crazy bitch psycho stuff just seems to come out of nowhere.
I know that things get better. That this isn't where the story ends. The heroine has to triumph over the bad guys. The misfit girl must find her misfit prince. We're just in the middle of the story I guess. The part where the heroine starts to lose faith that everything will turn out okay in the end.
10:09 PM - 07.08.2010
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