Tired
2009-05-21 @ 9:29 p.m.

Today at work I got written up. I've been sick the last few days and sort of expected to be written up for my attendance. But instead, I was written up for my 'conduct' during my credit card training last week.

I'm not the sort of person who makes trouble. In fact I'm pretty much 'uncool' most of the time when it comes to following the rules, being a sticular for policy and procedures. So to say I was shocked by this write up was an understatement.

This particular development is especially uncomfortable for me because the person lodging the complaint was not only the one who was unprofessional and rude to ME (not the other way around) but she made the learning environment intensely hostile towards me, when all I was doing was asking questions to make sure I properly understood.

She even gave me a very unprofessional nickname of 'miss diva' in the classroom. I refused to sign it. I refused to agknowledge the paper it was printed on. Because it was such loud and clear bullshit.

But the very worst part about the entire experience is that I found myself searching back through every action I placed trying to see if I'd been in the wrong.

Some part of me genuinely believes that I'm always in the wrong. The stronger part of myself whose been trying to get control of me, and get my life back on track has been fighting these doormat tendencies in me.

This part of me has been trying to make me stick up for myself, to take control of my life and stand up and fight.

At the end of the day though that stupid bitch of a trainer who made my life hell for that week got ME in trouble and if there is ever any other 'incidents' in the future -- I can and will be terminated.

All because of that stupid power tripping cunt. It makes me want to shake with unsurpressed anger.

I rarely get angry. But I am so livid. I'm so sick of working these crappy fucking jobs for idiot fucking people. I'm sick of having to scrape and pinch and still NOT have enough money to get by. I'm sick of working for people who go out of their way to give me a hard time.

I've gone out of my way to do a good job at every job I've ever had and I'm just sick of this. I'm 28 years old. Life should be better by now.

Today's events only made it more clear for me I need a new job and pronto. I just dont think I can find anything in this market.

I just dont know what to do any more.